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Striving for mediocrity in a world of excelence, The Chaser is a media empire which rivals Rupert Murdoch’s in all fields except power, influence, popularity and profitability.











 



Westpac board vote unanimously to blame entire scandal on the Greens 



"It worked for Barnaby" 












 

Westpac rescue helicopter deployed to save people from Westpac 



 

Extinction Rebellion claims credit for Sydney Transport network 



 

Labor holds emergency meeting after losing key ‘communist spy’ demographic to the Liberals 













“Remind me tomorrow” selected for sixth consecutive month 














Royal physician confirms Prince Andrew is definitely having no trouble sweating now 














Queen cancels Prince Andrew’s birthday, begins preparations for funeral 














Westpac CEO to be punished with $2.7 million severance package 




















Local News




 

Man quits smoking his own cigarettes 



 

Rescuers still searching for man lost in IKEA 



 

Man dies doing what he hated 








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World News






 

God holds press conference to distance Himself from Israel Folau 



 

 Trump honors 30 years since the Berlin Wall by promising to build an even bigger wall 



 

Scott Morrison concerned climate protests are making apocalypse a bit inconvenient 











 

Congress to grill Tom from Myspace on how the site is protecting its sole user’s data 



 

Batteries immediately removed from child’s noisy toy 



 

Arts student sets alarm to get an early 1pm start on the day 












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Shovel Politics






 

Bushfires Continue, As Thoughts And Prayers Of Quiet Australians Go Unheard 



 

John Howard Gives Prince Andrew Advice On How To Provide Support To Paedophiles 



 

Tissue In Your Washing This Morning Due To Same Sex Marriage, Israel Folau Claims 











 

Fire Department Sets Government Bullshit Meter To “Catastrophic” 



 

Morrison Enlists Scott Cam To Head Up New Bushfire Response Team 



 

Government Says It’s Inappropriate To Talk About Global Warming When It’s So Damn Hot 











Real Estate









Minister who forgot about buying house luckily still remembered to negatively gear it







Sultan of Brunei flaunts wealth by purchasing room in decrepit Sydney sharehouse







UN called in to resolve washing-up stalemate











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